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For those of you that don’t get what an “adoptoraptor” is, this is how I define it:
Someone that believes that god/GOD or the world owes them a baby and arranges the world to fit their needs. They have no trouble lying, cheating and stealing to obtain the prize of a newborn and will, in a pinch, accept one that is not white and perfect. They will attend the birth and tell the mother anything to get the infant, while still calling her a “birth mother” or “bm” and the baby “theirs” or “ours.” They will also rally their entire community to keep a child that the mother wants… “in the best interests of the child” – of course. Once a child is obtained, the mother is now the villain, whore or other nicety if she is acknowledged at all. Any promises made on openness are ended and life is fucked for the mother and child.
I hope that helps…..
So, it always blows me away when someone that is a predator – and that is what an adoptoraptor is in the end – that has lost out on a child or has won the child but has such a guilty conscience that they can’t leave it alone comes to a mother or adoptees blog and begins to defend themselves and explain why their way was the best…. no matter what is being said. Especially if the blog is a mother’s blog who doesn’t pull any punches about the mother’s reality of adoption.
Here is the thing, and this is crazy, we mothers will inevitably attempt to educate these self-righteous, self-serving child buyers on the realities of the situation….And the adoptoraptors will almost always come back with:
Do you know how many children are out there that are being killed by their bm’s?
We made a loving choice to make sure this child was safe and loved, even though their bm is a _________ (put in any ugly epitaph you would like).
Well, you know that God wanted us to be our child’s parents!
Along with about a million other very self-serving, convenient lies.
Reality check – FUCK THEM. Sorry, but no matter what, it isn’t worth responding to. You can’t make someone understand that no matter what, adoptees almost always – not every time okay, just a massive number more than not – want to know who they actually are. They love their parents (most of the time), but feel lost and alone in a world where they have no one to reflect back their identity. And, honestly, while most would not want to lose out on their adoptive families, they also didn’t choose to and didn’t want to lose out on their biological families……
So, before we mothers do it over and over – cause my head hurts from bashing into the Stupid wall – we need to tell them – FUCK YOU! I can’t fix your thinking and you can’t understand, so stop coming here, get some frakken help and work out your guilt or whatever on someone else’s time and dime!
Just my thoughts on it anyway……
leenilee said:
Sometimes I just can’t help myself though. Sometimes the way they start out, I think to myself, “hey self! Maybe I can teach this lady something about birth mothers and the realities of adoption. Let’s give it a whirl, shall we?” And lately, inevitably it is actually the adoptoraptor that is trying to teach ME something, usually about Jeebus. *sigh* It’s disheartening.
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lktrevino said:
Exactly and at that point I usually sigh, and pretend they are just machines…. it isn’t worth the argument.
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wackyadorablefamily said:
People tell themselves what they want to believe. I just read somewhere that sometimes adoption agencies use mothers who just placed their babies for adoption as counselors for expectant mothers. Now I would have thought that was a good thing but apparently they push adoption onto the pregnant women in order to feel more justified about their own decision. People telling themselves, and others, what they need to believe in order to feel better. It’s not you.
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lktrevino said:
Actually, that isn’t uncommon. The need to make others behave as you have to justify something you did…. it is pretty much normal human response.
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