Coffee Shop Etiquette in the WIFI Era


Since I do not, yet, have WIFI at home, I have to come to my favorite coffee shop to post on the web or study.  Because of this I see a great deal of things that I just don’t get.  Think about the average coffee shop – wifi available ones anyway…. take the local Starbucks (ew) for instance.   Think about the seating, the availability of power outlets and the way sound reverbs in spaces…..

Now, seriously, start with seating.  Most people don’t come to a coffee shop alone except to study, which usually means a laptop which means that they are going to need, at minimum, a space to set up, not just a chair in front of the window.  No matter what they name them, laptops still take a table when you are studying.

So, you have 6 or 8 tables that would accommodate, at a minimum, the average laptop and are close to the power outlets.  You have several groupings of chairs or tables without access to a table or that do not have easy power outlet access.

At what point does the moron reading his paper and texting need the largest table in the room?  seriously? I get it, first come, first served, but if you are trying to study and you have to struggle with balancing your laptop, that is running out of power, on your lap and you need to finish that paper and submit it, at what point is the asshole being polite?

The guy laid across the bench seat, reading a book and drinking water….excuse me?

The man sitting in the only booth, talking on his cell phone, drinking water and being very loud?

Also, don’t people realize that sound carries?  I sit here today and my head is about to explode from the loud older ladies 2 ft away, complaining about their friends; the girls sipping tea and bitching about the entitled whiner at work; the men sipping coffee and trying to cell each other something.  On top of the ambient music.

So, for me:

If you are just there for a glass of water and to take a call – sit in a chair without a table, be polite and quiet.  No one really cares what your business is.

If you are reading a paper or book, remember neither of these items take table room.  Please use the tables without power access or chairs!

If you can’t hear your friend across the table, don’t think everyone else can’t hear you – use indoor voices at most!  Talking over the crowd is not worthy of an adult.

If you need to study and the only table is the biggest on in the place, be willing to share your space if someone else is wanting to study as well.  Most of us know how to share… I hope.

Texting is not computer usage, requires no power and is not a shared sport…. use the chairs to sit and text with someone.

Pretty simple right?

I Did Not


I did not push you down the stairs,

Pull your air or make you cry,

I did not open the door and laugh,

Make you live on the street,

Laugh or cry at your heart beat.

I am nothing but sand and stone,

A wall of thought,

I am me and you are you,

For the rest of that,

I did not.

(c) Lori Trevino 1-26-2015

Tripping Them on the Staircase to Knowledge


Visualize, if you may, the path to knowledge, not as a path, but as a staircase.  The stairs are the tools and information shared with the child.  The handrails are the parents and teachers that are guiding them up the staircase.  The steps are even, well spaced and relatively easy to navigate.  Some children climb steadily and calmly.  Others, while struggling with the height or breadth of a step, have the calm even assistance of the teachers and parents.

Then, imagine the staircase that changes in mid-step.  The sudden appearance of a small, incongruous step that may or may not stop the climber that has been moving up steadily.  The step that trips and stops the struggling student because it is narrower and not the same height as the steps prior.  The handrails that suddenly are not as strong as before because they are stretching to cover the span of the extra step.

Then imagine these steps appearing, then disappearing, randomly in front of the students and under their feet as they try to climb at an even faster rate because behind them, society is saying that it is okay.  The parent rails are now staggered and rickety because they don’t know what is happening.  The teacher rails are stretched and tangled attempting to cover the extra spans.

This is what is occurring in our schools in Arizona.  Previously, students were given a curriculum that was set prior to the beginning of the school year.  Teachers agreed upon the required studies that were set by the State Schools Board and materials were gathered.  Every summer, when the students were vacationing, changes that appeared were incorporated, schedules changed and the stairs smoothed for the following year.

Currently, with the “guidance” from our school boards and the State, the stairs that were once maneuvered with such ease, are now changing mid-stream with teachers and parents struggling to keep up and children fighting to stay balanced and learn in an ever changing environment.

This MUST end.  Our children are failing to understand and passing through the system in ever increasing numbers of stages of disinterest and failure.  We need to step up and realize that OLD does not mean BAD… and that just because it looks right, doesn’t make it right.

According to The United States is 20th in cognitive skills and educational attainment.  This is behind South Korea, the Netherlands and 17 other countries that Americans tend to view as ignorant or uneducated.


Hammered by “Adoptees Rights” – SIGH


I had stepped away from this subject and was quite content doing so.  After all, you can only be beat up on so long before you decide “ENOUGH!” but lately I have been hammered with the “adoptee rights” information, postings, pushings and proddings of my adoption community friends.  While they are well aware of my feelings on the subject, they don’t seem to realize that I really don’t want any part of it any more!

Adoptee Rights – yes, adopted adults should have accurate information regarding their medical history, biological roots, etc.

MY Rights – NO, I do not have to participate in the adoptee rights orgy of shoving and pushing.  I do not, after many years of supporting it, support unfettered access to birth certificates.  I do, however, support requiring updated medical information for adopted persons.

Why the change after so many years?  Well, I have yet to meet any mother who has a positive and real relationship with their relinquished child/ren.  Not one.  Most take a back seat to everything and anything, including being informed in crisis (ISIS murder of an adoptee for instance).  However, a large number of adoptees feel – according to their own statements and postings – that biological mothers “owe” them something.

It is like this – NO ONE in their right mind chooses to be ignored, abused, alone and denigrated…NO ONE.  Yet, adoptees still act as if we chose to be the “abandoner” – this is very painful.

NO ONE chooses to be a non-entity to their children or grandchildren.  Yet we are.  We are the ones that are expected to come up with the perfect, expensive gift and to know without asking exactly what is needed.  If we don’t, we are nothing.

When was the last time you saw or heard of an adoptee planning an event that actually is built around including the biological mother?  I haven’t – not once.  I have, however, actually heard of mothers being “Uninvited” to events in favor of someone else – not necessarily even the adoptive parents.

So, do I want to bother?  Yeah, NO.  I don’t.  I don’t have a relationship with my daughter.  I don’t want to be part of other people’s drama.  I don’t want to be invited to “like” a page or be involved in events that are adoption related.  I don’t want it – how hard is that.

What Parents “Owe” a Child


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Honestly, I don’t get it.  What makes the children of today think that parents “owe” them more than the roof over their heads, love, food and the basics?  What makes them feel that they are the only reason a person lives?  This is an exercise in crazy for me… having been told I “owe” children for this or that.  The truth is, children owe their parents, not the other way around.

1.  You were born.  Since 1975 this has been a choice not a requirement.  At what point did people forget this?

2.  Your parents work to feed you, shelter, cloth you and send you to school… None of that shit is free.  You will find this out soon enough.  If your parents are smart, it will be sooner rather than later.

These two simple things are what young people seem to forget on a grand scale!  Not just as teens, which seems to be normal and a developmental behavior, but as small children and young adults.  I watch and cringe when I see a parent that buys their kid things because it will shut them up or “because they deserve it” – SAY WHAT?!!!

Children should earn things – from early ages they are capable of doing tasks like picking up their toys, and keeping things put away.  As they grow, the responsibilities, or tasks, that they have should grow with them.  So, your two year old is quite capable of picking up their toys and getting a treat every once in a while as “payment” for those small tasks.

By the time your child is 8 or 9 years of age, they should be taking out the trash, helping in the yard, taking their own laundry to the laundry room (or at minimum keeping it up off the floor and in the laundry basket), and keeping their rooms clean.  These are basic tasks that every human being should learn.

By the time they are 10, washing dishes, doing their own laundry and mowing the lawn (if they are not clumsy) is not out of the question.

By the time they are teenagers getting ready to and/or going to high school, looking forward to driving a car, etc., mom and dad should not be picking up after them at all… They are more than capable of doing this for themselves.

Meanwhile, if you are giving an allowance, it should be in accordance with their responsibilities around the house.  And if the child isn’t helping – no allowance.  Not hard at all to understand.

This is basic parenting.  You don’t owe them that ridiculously expensive game system – that is something that, if you really feel the need to purchase it, should be a holiday or birthday gift.  That silly plastic boat doesn’t seem like much when they are 3 or 4, but wait until that epic tantrum over a car happens at 16 and then the subsequent cost of insuring a teenager, especially when they still can’t manage to get the garbage out for pick up…. their room is disgusting and you are killing yourself cooking, cleaning and picking up after human beings that think that this is what you are for in life – to be their maid or housekeeper.

I am not saying that a treat every so often is out of line, but you don’t “OWE” them the treat – you owe them love, respect and the basics.

Remember this, those same children will be adults someday and if they don’t know how to save for those items that are more expensive than their wallet can handle, they will end up back on your doorstep during the years when you thought you would be traveling to places and doing things with your spouse or significant other.  You will never have the money or time because you will be spending your life paying their way.

It’s hard to think that way when your toddler is smiling at you and being adorable.  I know.  But the fact is adorable only lasts so long and you aren’t doing your job if you handle everything for them.


I remember getting ready for the holidays when I was working in law firms.  It was always a hoot…. presents that I could not possibly afford (lead crystal, etc) and food and fun.  Subbing is like that without all the bs.  For me, I think I enjoy it a great deal.

Soon, I will blog more, but for now….

To all those I love, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanzaa, Blessed Hanukkah and a sweet season to all…. You are not forgotten.  You are loved, wanted and accepted.

To the world I wish and pray for peace, tolerance, and appreciation of the beautiful gift of life.

Parenting, Age, Divorce, and Grandchildren


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When a person or couple have a child, it is the never ending connection effect.  It affects their entire lives… particularly in the case of divorce and grandchildren.  A lot of people I know chose not to have children because of the issues that are involved in raising children in a disposable family world.  That world where you can’t be part of someone’s life unless you kiss their ass.

For most people, when the first marry and decide to have children, it is about love and the physical proof of that love.  Not all, mind you.  Some get pregnant, then married… some get pregnant and don’t marry.  There are many variations on the theme.  But in the end, if they have children and don’t stay married, there are ramifications for the parents of the couple/person/people…. the grandparents.

The usual breakup or divorce with children is a nightmare for everyone, even the people breaking up.  They are angry, hurt and, in most cases, vengeful for a very long time.  The custodial parent has to cope with the questions that their children ask, particularly if there is no visitation, etc.  They also have to deal with the grandparents… their parents and the parents of their ex-significant other.  These people have a stake in the pool of life.

The ex-couple, if it is really an ugly divorce, often fail to realize that their own parents are stuck, dead center, and have absolutely no way out.  They are not allowed to see the grandkids if the custodial parent is pissed at the non-custodial parent or vise versa – depending on whose parents they are.  So, if mom gets custody, dad’s parents are likely to have no contact or very limited contact.  If dad get’s custody, it works the other way.

The only out is to play nice to all sides and try to stay out of the firing line.  That only works if everyone acts like an adult.  Most of the time that is not a happening thing.  It is more likely that the parents of the non-custodial parent will be shut out of their grandchildren’s lives unless they kiss the right ass… and then end up shut out of their own adult child’s life for kissing the right ass.

How is that right or fair?  We did not marry or divorce them?  We did not choose to be angry or not act like adults?

It sucks shite out of the hind teat…..

I am not anyone, but me


Don’t come to me with your bloody nose, if all you want to do is bleed,

Don’t cry on my shoulder, if all you want to do is hate,

Don’t lie to me and pretend you are true, when all you want is to punish,

I am not the horse you whip, the dog you kick or the one to hate,

I am me, worthy, worthwhile and full of life.

Don’t spread your hate upon my head,

Don’t treat yourself to anger pills,

Don’t pretend that life did all this to you, you made choices that made you untrue.

I am not the one that hit, bit, kicked or hurt you.

I am me, loving, kind and free.

Don’t blame the world for lack of funds,

Don’t take advantage when you know it will get you shunned,

Don’t forget that all you do, will, as they say, become Karma to you.

I am not a blank piece of paper, with no history, no real heart.

I am me, just me…

I am not rich, I am not beautiful, I am not greedy, I am not mean, I am not anyone…. but me.

(c) Lori Trevino 11/28/2014

Black Friday, Holiday Insanity…. For What?


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The stores opened at ridiculous hours, not on the usual “Black Friday” but on Thanksgiving day. The supposed sales were riot with insane people who hit, punch and assault each other…. for toys.  The “super” mom and dad are out there beating each other up for a supposed discount of ridiculous proportions, but only on a certain number of a certain item and only for a particular time period.  At what point does this sound intelligent?  Even those that give the gifts made with love are struggling with the prices that are supposed to be lower… but have you priced yarn or wood or anything recently?

I watched the news and the idiots that park themselves in the front of stores in tents and sleeping bags in an effort to get the “perfect” gift for their cherished loved ones.  They will cook their turkey over a sterno can and eat crap in an effort to save a single dollar.  It amazes me and horrifies me.  How ignorant is the public?

First, basic economics folks… from the first day of June until just prior to Black Friday, prices slowly and steadily rise – approximately 120% to 150%.  Black Friday, or rather all holiday sales prices are supposedly 70% off (approximately).  At what point is this a savings?  SERIOUSLY???? Very few items are truly discounted.  Most are price jacked for months to make sure that the manufacturers and stores get their needed price.  So you are not getting a discount.

The time of year that is truly lower prices is right after the holidays.  Stores that could not sell all of their products, that are now facing high returns, suddenly find that the price of that $300 item is less than $59.  It is a fact that you have to watch out for defects, etc., but guess what, those returns are usually the items that are just not the right color, style, maker, etc.  It is truly shopping at it’s lowest prices.

Second, at what point is punching out the little old lady for a pair of socks that your sister will hate something that you want on the news?  The truth is, if you have truly tried to make a holiday nice, you have been working on it for the entire year.  You have shopped for and found things that are beautiful, appropriate and, most important of all, NOT likely to be returned.  And guess what, it is usually at a price that is affordable and realistic.  The little old lady can keep the socks and you have purchased or made something beautiful for your loved ones without having to prove you are still an animal.

Finally, and most important, remember all those expensive toys and games and clothes you bought for your children?  How long do they actually use them?  Seriously, most kids don’t bother with these things within a few hours to a few weeks of having them.  The things they bother with – the new bike, skates, or skateboards, the clothes for school and a couple of actually favored toys.  Of course the cell phones, etc., but that is not an every day purchase.  So you have done ignorant things for things that are going to end up on the floor of the closet, rotting in the neglect of disuse.

For me, I make my gifts.  I hope that those that I create them for appreciate them, and I go on.  It is not my desire to add to the “buy everything” mentality of the world or share that with children that I come into contact with.  After all…. something I spend time on means so much more, to me if not to them, than that game that breaks or loses pieces within a few hours or days.

No shopping for this very sane person on Black Friday…. EVER.


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