You can’t handle my realness, my pain, my laughter, my strength, my weakness….

You can’t handle the world I live in, it’s joy, it’s beauty, it’s sorrow, it’s darkness….

You can’t handle the life that I have, it’s beauty, it’s depth, it’s total aliveness….

You can’t handle …. me…..

I won’t live in your falsity, your cheap laugh, your fake smile, your brittle nothingness….

I won’t live in the paper construct of your world, it’s thin veneer, it’s cheap paint, it’s tawdry lies…

I won’t live the non-life, it’s bleak face, it’s nonexistent depths, it’s death….

I won’t handle ….. you……

I choose the bright, beautiful, life that has pain and joy sprinkled liberally through it….

I choose to see the dark and know that it is but an interlude into the dappled sunlit glade…

I choose to swim in the shark filled strange waters, with depth and warmth and cold sharing the same space…..

I choose …. LIFE…..

(c) Lori Trevino 11-18-2015

Killing Ourselves

We out of charity or abundance of love,

Kick the legs out from under our children,

Destroying their chances of facing and owning their fears,

Destroying their need to succeed and grow in the face of adversity,

The same adversity that gives them strength and wings,

The same adversity that gave us strength and wings,

The same adversity that gave our ancestors strength and wings.

We out of ignorance and fear,

Overprotect and coddle to the point of incapacitation,

Not just our children, but our society,

Which must, of necessity, carry forward the arguments of the past,

Using new voices, thoughts and ideas,

But in our zeal to protect,

We have poisoned ourselves,

Destroyed the power that made our lives so important,

Made our society weak and powerless to grow and succeed.

We have, without thought, created our own epitaph,

The sounds of our dying are all around us,

Children that are ill because they have poor immune systems,

Old people left on the streets, in homes designed for dying, not living,

Not allowed to share in the beauty that is the wisdom of their years,

Worshipping the ignorance and splendor of the energy of youth,

Forgetting the pain that we ourselves went through to leave that youth behind.

We are….

Killing ourselves.

(c) Lori Trevino 10-23-2015

The NeoHippy – Judgmental …..

This morning as I went out to spend the little bit of cash I had for my food this week, something interesting happened.  Now, I am an early riser and the weather is lovely and cool in the mornings so I took my Reggie with me.  He loves to go for a ride.  We went to the bank, then over to Petco to pick up some pet bedding for the class guinea pig.  Petco does adoptions of dogs and other pets that are about to be put down by the city.

As I arrived I parked next to what I would consider an enormous, gas guzzling, over priced SUV with 2 or 3 children in it…one looked to be around 3 years old and not strapped into a car seat but running around the vehicle.  I didn’t notice adults, but then, I really wasn’t looking that hard… the windows were rolled up and it seemed okay.  Probably someone at the Dollar Store just picking up a quick something…. no big thing.

Well, I took Reggie and in we went.  He was in heaven!  A store that I could take him into!  YAY!  People that weren’t afraid of him and two little boys stopped to pet him!  Then, out of the “adoption” area came a very aggressive pitbull mix… he was snarling and carrying on – jerking on the heavy lead and pulling on an owner that seemed okay, but it was freaking out the Reggie.  We paid the bill and went back to the car.

The SUV still had a few kids in it and no adults around, but again, it was quiet and the doors were locked….so I thought, Okay…. I put Reggie in the car, told him to behave and made sure the windows were slightly open.  The sun had started to warm up, but it still wasn’t “hot”.  I went into the Dollar Store, got what I needed, paid and hurried back…. the pitbull owner was parked next to me, opposite of the SUV and I was worried Reggie would get a brave alpha streak and destroy the car.

As I was getting into the car to leave a very nice looking, long-haired, “Reptile Rescue” shirt wearing young man opened the driver’s door of the SUV….. Reggie, of course, needing a drink of water and curious, poked his nose out.  I politely said hello, nice shirt, reptiles huh? and he said, sneering at me over his $80 hair style, and through the stench of his very expensive cologne (you know, the stuff that mimics the smell of good ol soap and water, but isn’t), sporting his equally expensive Nike shoes…. “Um, you know it is a felony to lock a dog in a parked car?”  I look over his shoulder at the kids still sitting in the car… “Yeah, it wasn’t hot and I am careful”

He sneers again, “Yeah, but heat stroke happens fast.”

As I pull away, I look back at him in the mirror – shouting at the kids in his gas guzzling monster and wonder WTF was that?  Reggie, in the car less than 1/2 the time those kids were – my car a silver car with the windows partly down… how is that worse than 3 kids locked in a completely closed Black SUV?

The whole thing took less than a minute to exchange, but it was such a shock to realize that, in my current experience, the most NEOHippy folks out there are the worst offenders to the health of the world!

First – the money thing – they are the ones that will scream like starving baboons over $20….but they will piss it away on ridiculous without a thought.  Come on people, an SUV that size for a family of 4?  Why?  Because they can afford it!  You can call it whatever you want, but the truth is simply that it is status.

Nikes?  Get real!  Nike is the worst of the child labor companies – without shame or care because consumers are so wrapped up in the fact that some sports personality is the main money/face for the company they would buy their products if they were made on the streets of Phoenix, Arizona by homeless people who were paid with a bottle of water a day!

Second – Okay, so you are a save the animals person – WTF is wrong with you!  Your kids are sitting in a vehicle that will heat up to twice what mine will and you are worried about my dog?  My dog who is alone for less than 15 minutes – while your kids are in the car for over 45 minutes?  Screw you, you moron!  My dog at least would have gotten help asap – since I am not so wrapped up in my business that I don’t know that it is getting hot and he can’t take the heat either!  You apparently were shopping in the Petco and weren’t worried about whether or not those kids were getting hot!

Third – really?  You are going to tell me that it is a felony to let my dog get heat stroke, yet you don’t realize that it is murder to kill a child by locking them in a hot car?  Worse, you are going to sit there and take a pic of my car because of it?  Please feel free to tweet it – if you do – I will feel free to call CPS on your stupid child abusing ass!

The truth is, this is the norm!  The more “socially conscious” of the people I have met are the ones that do the stupidest shit.  The lady that is in the grocery store with her own bags, will often (at least here in Tucson, AZ) be the one getting into the gas hog in the parking lot, to drive to her house that is equipped with air conditioning units that are not freon free…. to sip her soda out of a plastic cup and who will use plastic containers until they are useless, but then throw them in the trash instead of the recycling bin.

The ones that judge others, openly, as this man did are the ones that don’t consider that my little car is equipped to be more ecofriendly and that will not be the one that uses the ton of fuel.  Yeah – they get 25 mpg – I get 33+ mpg.  Yeah, they have such a lovely ride…. until the vehicle hits someone and kills them because they weigh almost what a diesel does.  They are the ones that will bitch about the roads, and then roar down them, in their over sized beasts, because, oh wait for it…. they can! and then complain about pot holes.  Which, by the way, are usually caused by over sized vehicles and over use of roadways by those vehicles – those weight limits are a requirement because it protects the roads people!

But what irritates me most, they are the jackasses that will complain about people like me, and then do exactly what they please because they can…. sigh… what a pain in the ass!

I am from…..



(For my students!)


I am from the smell of oil paints,

From pieces of wire, hot and dripping from the welder,

The smell of my mother’s bread dripping with butter,

I am from Sunday drives,

Walking in the woods,

From pictures my father painted,

The nudes painted in our living room of my 6 yr old house.


I am from reading in bed with a flashlight,

From the ruins of the Mesa Verde,

The pot shards, cactus and coyotes.

I am from racing the roadrunner on the way to see my grandfather.


I am from the loneliness of foster care,

The joy of friends,

Laughing and ditching school,

Fighting and drinking too much.


I am from the Army,

Straight lines, guns and grenades,

Crying when I was scared,

I am from LIFE!

(c) Lori Trevino 10-29-2015

You Wonder Why I Run


You came to me crying mommy!

Yet, the moment it became inconvenient, you walk away.

Saying that it isn’t real, not what you want.

Your indiscriminate love is scary,

Terrifying to the world of me.

The strength of me fails in the face of the constant onslaught of rage, hate, anger.

Nothing you say is real,

Leaving me in the smoke of your anger,

The mire of shit that you call love, without a clue as to what you really want.

Nothing that is real touches or does these things in a life that has always been one that needs,

Nay requires that all be balanced and even.

The foul stench of rotting emotional garbage,

Stretching out around your so called love,

Never allowing anything to clean it,

Never letting anyone purify the soul that you have filled with this muck,

And you wonder why I run?

You call me mommy when my wallet is full,

My home is nice,

The perception is that you believe that you have some right,

As if I owe you more than the life I gave you at the expense of my sanity,

My dreams, my love, and my deepest needs.

The life I gave freely, designed to be loved,

Cherished and longed for,

Yet soiled, beyond the horrifying depths of the pits that some call hell.

Never realizing, never knowing that you chose this pit, this slime,

Over the easy emotional response of a person that can love you,

That needs nothing from you beyond simple respect and the ability to communicate,

Simply for a paper or coin that means almost nothing beyond the necessary things in life.

And you wonder why I run?

You called me mommy,

And I have never considered, never even thought that your rage at another would be so toxic,

Invading this world,

To this place that I created out love,

Out of balance and beauty,

To simply fill it with the drains of pus, slimy and green with poisons,

Seeping out of your emotional baggage,

Drenching my world with illness and anger,

Never healing wounds that ooze and burst anew,

The words spoken without thought,

Creating more and more wounds that never heal,

That ooze and eventually, as must be,

You wonder why I run.

(c) Lori Trevino 10-21-2015

To those people who are always texting or checking their cell phones:


While I respect that some people need to stay in touch with either their job or someone for a personal reason if you are texting or constantly looking at your phone while you are out with someone – at least be polite enough to excuse yourself! Just because it is important to you, most people are pretty mellow about it…. but you have to be straight up about “I have to get this” – just like you would if you had to take a phone call. I hate it when someone is out with me, no matter who they are, and they start texting or they check their phone repeatedly and don’t let me know that it is important for whatever reason. I find it rude and emotionally hurtful – not just by making me uncomfortable, but because it tells me that I have no value to them as a person.


Woman sitting across from you and the person you supposedly wanted to spend time with.

Society’s Falcities



 American’s are taught that good manners are that you have to BE POSITIVE and Everything Happens for a Reason and ‘anger is toxic’.  But is that real?  Is that part of why we live in the perpetual flux of people that have no real friends, no real understanding and who are simply afraid to say what is really there?  It has been my experience that this is true….

First, “be positive” – that started out as a personal pep talk in the 1980’s – you were taught to be positive about yourself and life so that positive things would happen.  Not that everything was positive. Which is how it is used now, particularly in professional life.  We all say how “lovely” “amazing” “wonderful” something is, when the reality is that it is not wonderful, amazing or lovely.  In fact life is fully of ugly, mean and hateful – as well as lovely, beautiful, amazing…. there is always a balance.  Only a truly shallow person thinks that the world is all beautiful.  

That doesn’t mean that you don’t make the best of things, simply that you own that it is not perfect, admit when it isn’t all peaches and yogurt and then move forward.  We wonder why no one helps each other?  You might want to look at the stuff you know about your supposed friends….. If you are all pretending it is lovely, how can you even remotely realize that your friend is dying inside over something that they fear even mentioning because it isn’t positive!

Then, of course, there is “everything happens for a reason” – while in a way I believe this, in more ways I know it is more about the decisions we make and the way we approach life that creates these “happenings.”  For instance, if you believe that people come and go in your life for a reason…exactly whose reasons are you talking about?  For me, I know God has a huge hand in my life… not that he goes out of his way to remove people or things, but that he goes out of his way to put those things and people in my life.  If they choose to leave it, that is on them.  I can’t imagine that he puts people together simply to remove them and create pain.  That is a chicken shit idea… you come and go in people’s lives out of your own choice, not God’s or a Higher Power’s – Your own.

And then, last and most importantly, “anger is toxic” – yeah, it is toxic…. if you live in it and dwell on it instead of sorting it out.  Most of the time people know when to let the anger go.  Unfortunately it is one of the things that creates rifts between people.  That inability to realize that most of the time, when we are angry, we aren’t angry at the person that supposedly caused our anger.   Usually we are angry at ourselves.  At our own reactions.  At our own inability to have things exactly the way we want them….. so, that is why we get angry.  The thing is, real anger is short, usually hot and then gone.  We walk away, consider the situation and realize that we are as much at fault as the object of our anger.  That is actually healthy…it is self-reflection that allows us to grow as people.  The “toxic” part of that is when we don’t get past our anger, don’t review our own part in the situation and then move forward…  That is toxic.  Living in anger is devastating to the human body – it is like living in the “fight or flight” mode all of the time.  Not healthy and not good for the soul.

So, for me, when you ask how I am, I usually say “older” and laugh, because it is honest.  If I am mad, I generally yell, rant a bit and then it is over and I am usually embarrassed by my reaction to something silly.  And, while I am positive, I also know that the world as a whole is in serious suckage mode…. but the only way to change it is one kindness at a time and not worry about what you get out of it.

So, be mad, be silly and know that you are allowed to not be happy every single minute of every single day – be healthy!

The Perfect Omelet


I love omelets.  The problem is that most people don’t know how to make them…so I thought I would help…..

You start with eggs….

I got blessed with a couple of double yokes!

But you can’t stop there….. I like a little tomato (seeds removed) and a small pepper….. a little garlic…. don’t forget to saute this in real butter!

 Saute well!

While this is turning into flavor of the month…..  you have to choose what to put in it…. I like salt, pepper, a touch of oregano….. and

A bit of homemade cheese (I learned this from an old Greek Lady).

Then a bit of cheddar:

Hmmmmm….. the tomatoes are ready for eggs!

A bit of browning and you have to add the cheeses!

Then, fold, I am never perfect at this!

While a bit messy, it still comes out lovely with a dollop of homemade yogurt – plain if you please!

And there you have it – the perfect omelet….

Tohono Chul Garden Bistro – 5 HUGE STINKWEEDS


This weekend, in our usual do something Saturday fashion, my cousin and I visited what is considered a very upscale eating establishment (with garden and museum attached – for a price). The place was a marvel to behold. The buildings and decor fairly sang Tohono O Odham area history, with beautiful natural plants, filled with hummingbirds, lizards and all the lovely denizens of the Southwest. We pulled in, parked and crunched through the parking area to the restaurant. All the while anticipating a lovely, relaxing breakfast… pricey but not floor moving.

When we arrived at the “hostess” station there was no one there. The hostess, however, appeared in a moment or 3 minutes as we stood around looking at the fountain and wondering what the deal was. We were seated at a nice, not great table overlooking the garden, our choice since it was starting to get warm, and the “server” appeared. Apparently they have a shortage of staff since the server was a manager – someone named Catelin or something similar – and she immediately took in our casual attire.

She then proceeded to ask us if we would like something to drink, not actually rude, but not actually polite, recommending the passion fruit tea (YUCK – I don’t like passion fruit) to which we both declined and opted for standard black ice tea. When the tea arrived, we discovered that while it was delicious, there was no sugar on our table. After about 5 minutes, my cousin simply got tea off of another table – which drew the attention of our server who was snotty about it.

We ordered a shared plate, after seeing the plates served to other customers, because we really didn’t want to eat all that food and frankly, I was relieved – $13 for two eggs and toast seemed a bit ridiculous. Ms. Catelin (or whatever it was) was not impressed when we asked if we could have that divided – she didn’t bother to inform us that it would cost the equivalent of a crappy latte at Starbucks to have them divide the plate! She left…..

25 minutes later, after watching several later arriving parties be served their meals in the garden, we finally asked the busboy for more tea and what was wrong, to which he stated that there had been a computer issue. Then we asked if he would please get our waitress… she must have been listening because the moment it was out of my mouth, she appeared. Instead of owning the computer issue, she lied to us about the food situation and, immediately brought us a tepid omelet – on two plates that had obviously been warmed too long. The toast was cold. The butter had been in cups on the plates and was melted completely. The tea, however, was delicious.

The bill was ridiculous and the gardens that are the entire reason that the restaurant exists, cost $10 to walk through…..

Would I ever go there again? NOT ON MY DIME….. The final bill $40+ – the service – horrible….


Coffee Shop Etiquette in the WIFI Era


Since I do not, yet, have WIFI at home, I have to come to my favorite coffee shop to post on the web or study.  Because of this I see a great deal of things that I just don’t get.  Think about the average coffee shop – wifi available ones anyway…. take the local Starbucks (ew) for instance.   Think about the seating, the availability of power outlets and the way sound reverbs in spaces…..

Now, seriously, start with seating.  Most people don’t come to a coffee shop alone except to study, which usually means a laptop which means that they are going to need, at minimum, a space to set up, not just a chair in front of the window.  No matter what they name them, laptops still take a table when you are studying.

So, you have 6 or 8 tables that would accommodate, at a minimum, the average laptop and are close to the power outlets.  You have several groupings of chairs or tables without access to a table or that do not have easy power outlet access.

At what point does the moron reading his paper and texting need the largest table in the room?  seriously? I get it, first come, first served, but if you are trying to study and you have to struggle with balancing your laptop, that is running out of power, on your lap and you need to finish that paper and submit it, at what point is the asshole being polite?

The guy laid across the bench seat, reading a book and drinking water….excuse me?

The man sitting in the only booth, talking on his cell phone, drinking water and being very loud?

Also, don’t people realize that sound carries?  I sit here today and my head is about to explode from the loud older ladies 2 ft away, complaining about their friends; the girls sipping tea and bitching about the entitled whiner at work; the men sipping coffee and trying to cell each other something.  On top of the ambient music.

So, for me:

If you are just there for a glass of water and to take a call – sit in a chair without a table, be polite and quiet.  No one really cares what your business is.

If you are reading a paper or book, remember neither of these items take table room.  Please use the tables without power access or chairs!

If you can’t hear your friend across the table, don’t think everyone else can’t hear you – use indoor voices at most!  Talking over the crowd is not worthy of an adult.

If you need to study and the only table is the biggest on in the place, be willing to share your space if someone else is wanting to study as well.  Most of us know how to share… I hope.

Texting is not computer usage, requires no power and is not a shared sport…. use the chairs to sit and text with someone.

Pretty simple right?


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