Crunchy

The angry, crunchy rage builds inside me each time. The words are mean and angry, spoken when love should be used. Does anyone listen to themselves anymore? Are you so dead inside that you feel nothing? Are you gone to the other side of ugly?

I live in a world of torn apart treasures, sadness and pain…. The flowers are still beautiful and so is the smell of the rain.

Parents, Parenting, Parenting after the Relationship Ends… Child Support.

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The couple, or single woman, are pregnant.  It doesn’t matter if the couple is married, if their parents like their chosen partner, or even if they like each other.  The facts change the moment the stick turns blue.  In the world today, you would think that this is much clearer than the world prior to abortion, but it is not.  Women still go completely hormonal when they get pregnant and pretty much stay that way for more than a year.  Men, on the other hand, are not immune.  The problem is that there is now another life that these hormonal, anxiety ridden people are responsible for bringing into the world.

(NOTE:  This is NOT adoption related and thus it will not be part of the discussion).

First, no matter what the scenario, whether it was a one night stand, an ooops, or even a married couple trying, if the baby is there and the mother wants to keep it, then the relationship between the mother and father changes.  There is now a bond that, even in a one night stand, can’t be broken beyond a miscarriage or a termination of the pregnancy.  The other person has a claim on your world.  Which is why parents are forever saying “WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED!” and praying their children listen.  There is no such thing as getting pregnant, having a baby and pretending the father/mother doesn’t exist – eventually children start asking questions and wanting to know the other “half” of who they are.

Which brings up the Parenting issues….. people, seriously, a child is not your buddy.  A child is there to be nurtured, loved and taught how to live in our world.  Not a toy to be played with and allowed to turn into nightmare alley material.  They need parents that stand together, have a plan and who are willing to learn from their own mistakes…. it is not easy, but if you end up with a young adult who values life, knows the value of a dollar and is willing to make their own way in life without borrowing from mom and dad, who is following the path that is best for them, then you have done well.  It does not matter if they are your best bud or not – it matters if they are their own best friend!

So, working together is an imperative.  That includes if your relationship does not work.  You don’t talk smack about the other parent – EVER.  Children are not weapons or tools to hurt that person you were hurt by.  They are human beings.  And remember, every time you time you talk about Mom/Dad in a negative way, you leave the child that you supposedly love wondering if they are not good because mom/dad is not good.  That other person that you hate and are trying to hurt is HALF of your child – and that half is just as important to the child as your half.  Don’t delude yourself into thinking that raising a child erases the rest of the picture….. it would be a mistake you would regret for life.

Now, you have crossed the lines and hurdled the boundaries and you have a parenting partner that is not in the picture…. yep, talking about the non-existent person that has a say or at minimum some input regarding your life and your parenting.  They visit – maybe, and you have to tolerate their judgmental behaviors or the things that they tell the kiddos when you aren’t around.  It is difficult.  But that is called PARENTING – realizing that you can’t change what others think and as long as you stay true to being a GOOD parent and not joining the idiotic fray of name calling, then you will always have a good relationship with the child/ren you are raising.  Easy peasy, right?  But what about the other side of that, the money side?  They helped make this/these babies, what the heck is their issue with helping pay for them?

First thing to remember is that your child is not part of your financial discussion – EVER.  Their love is not or should not be dependent upon the idea that you are killing yourself paying for their lives and lifestyles.  It is not their business.  Neither is the payment or failure to pay of child support of the other parent.  Visitation should never be decided on who paid up their support this month.  That is like telling a child that they are only worthy as long as mom/dad is paying for the privilege of seeing them.  Very poor parenting.  Also, your money issues are never their issue…. that is just common sense.  Not saying you can’t say “We can’t afford that” just saying that your bills are yours, not theirs and if you choose to share them, then you choose to make your life more difficult.

On the flip side….. and this is something that pisses me off… I honestly believe that they should jail and/or force the “dead beat” to pay their support.  This isn’t just dads!  Oh he** no!  I know a boatload of mothers out there that don’t pay and don’t seem to care that they live well and the children that popped out of them are hungry or homeless.  I particularly dislike the deadbeat that remarries and then allows the new spouse to make money so they don’t have to pay their support.  After all, the new spouse didn’t breed the kid, so the law says they don’t have to pay for them.

The problem I see with that, NO ONE MARRIES WITHOUT KNOWING THE DEAL!  You marry and you marry their issues, bills and, yes, their child support.  It truly fries me when the new spouse is military – because the military will pay a stipend and insure a child that is in shared custody (the usual custody arrangement for the last 20 years) and even provide base housing with bedrooms enough for the number of children that are either in the custody of or partial custody of the non-military spouse.  This is true even if the military spouse has no children of their own and is not legally responsible for the child support.  So they get paid, get housing allowances and nice housing for children that wait – their deadbeat spouse is not even paying for.

Truly, that irks the hell out of me.   You gave birth or shared in the “experience” of creating life – YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE.  Your new mate knew  you had children…. they need to suck it up and pay for them.

What really is crazy, all the lies and screaming I see happening.  People, children are not weapons or tools – they are human beings that you are destroying with your personal drama!  They don’t care if mom or dad is rich, poor, mean, whatever, they care that these are the people that gave them life and you are making them hate part of themselves!

And all you lazy parents out there – honestly, deadbeat behaviors are nasty.  If you didn’t want them, you should have kept your pants on!  If you didn’t want to pay for them, you should have never had them.  You did this, not them.

A thought – for those of you out there trying to get the government to come down on that deadbeat that lives well while you struggle to raise your kids – work in the political arena to make it illegal for anyone to receive benefits for children that they do not have full custody of, or at minimum are not the primary placement.  Fight to have step-parents wages garnished if the other parent is hiding behind the “step parents are not responsible” laws that make it easy to hide and live well while custodial parents struggle.  Stop pretending that you are a martyr and step up and be parents!

Just my thoughts…..

Developmental Similarities in Canines and Humans

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I used to think that animals were really simple in behavior and low in intelligence.  Not so!  Over the years of pet ownership, I have noted some really cool things.  Things that give lie to the belief of the human world that animals do not have the capacity to be at least semi-sentient (defined as “self-aware”).  Behaviors, behavioral patterns and traits and responses are really good indicators of what I believe today…. which is worlds away from 30 years ago.

First – have you ever raised a puppy?  If you have, and you are aware of behavioral/developmental patterns of the human child, you see things that make life interesting:

Discovering paws – puppy will, at approximately 8 weeks, start watching his paws.  This occurs in humans when they are about the same age and they are watching the shadows that waiving their arms about makes.

Learning that back feet are part of you and can be controlled – 3.5 to 4 months.  The stage is punctuated by finding the puppy on furniture, or, in the alternative, climbing the baby gate to keep them off the furniture.

Potty training – for puppies, it seems like the first 6 months are a battle of peeing on the floor and getting them to ask to go outside.  Like toddlers, this is pretty normal.  Each breed of dog seems to house train at different ages.  It can take a year or a day, depending on the instincts of the animal for their “don’t pee where you sleep” drive.

Learning “Tricks” – All children learn how to do things at different times.  We teach a child to “stay” by putting them in one place and insisting that they stay there until we are ready for them to move.  For a dog, this is more complex, but usually learned in about the same general “age”.  Almost all things that are taught to a dog, can be equivalent to a puppy.

The differences, in reality, are that a human child communicates differently and is our species….. Dogs grow up much faster, have a shorter life span and communicate non-verbally.  Ask any pet owner if they are sure what their pet wants and you will find that they say YES of course!  Ask them if their “pet” talks to them and you will get the same answer….. but then, if you say how, that is more complex.  Animals, compared to humans have simpler needs and wants, while a humans needs and wants become more and more complex as they grow and mature.

Interesting…… observing….. learning.

When Did We Get So Stupid?

I am always amazed when I see signs that say “Caution:  Hot Liquid” on coffee cups… or “slippery when wet” on roads….. and now as I watch the changes in vehicles, I really have to wonder – when did we get so stupid?

Who doesn’t know that a road will be slippery if it is wet?

Who doesn’t know that if you don’t pay attention, you will indeed rear end another vehicle?

At what point are people stupid enough to leave infants/pets in a car that will reach 120 deg F and more?

Are our children so stupid that they don’t know that a cartoon is not real?

Who is not aware that letting a baby eat buttons is stupid?

I really wonder if people are dumb…. or if we have learned to rely technology to the point that people really don’t know that they should look over their shoulder when they back the car up?

Sigh….. dumbing down the world in an effort to smarten it up….. how is that logical?

 

The Pros and Cons of Living a Childless Existence….

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The Pros:

  1. You never have to pay a baby sitter.
  2. You can vacation in the middle of the school year without having to worry about your kids’ education.
  3. You can be naked in the middle of the day.
  4. You get to travel and not have to pack a trunk for a three day trip.
  5. You can go out to eat in restaurants where almost all the patrons are grownups.
  6. You never have to hide your treats to keep the kids from eating them.
  7. Your dog gets a lot of attention.
  8. You don’t have to watch kiddie t.v.
  9. You are free to be who you choose to be without worry about being a “bad” example or influence on anyone.
  10. You don’t have to worry about being left alone in an old folks home.

The Cons:

  1. You don’t get cool paper mache junk for gifts.
  2. You have to think of reasons why you love Sesame Street.
  3. You get old alone.
  4. You can’t blame your kids when you back the car into something.
  5. …….. I’m thinking……
  6. You don’t have built in trash removal service.
  7. You have to wash your own dishes.
  8. You don’t get tax breaks or assistance when needed.

Actually, I kind of enjoyed some of being a childless adult.  I didn’t have to worry all the time about everything I said or did.  But having a child might have been nice…… at least having one I could raise……

What do you think are the pros and cons that I missed?

Fun Days!

So tomorrow – after a little sleep and a shower – I head to a friends house for the day.  I am dragging my niece along – I really like that kid! – and we are going to set up a “play date” for all us old people to go swimming and fishing for a day!

My Reginator the Redogulous is going to be very surprised!  He loves to go visit my friend and watch the kids play ball (he hasn’t quite gotten the hang of fetch yet – we are working on it).  But he is very social and well behaved with children – the younger ones even more so.

Yesterday at the dog park he got sat on accidently by a child – got hurt and screamed… but did not nip or panic and attack anyone.  He is an exceptional dog.

Pictures on the flip side!  Goodnight world.

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